As I sit here at Town Fair Tires in West Springfield, for what I’m told will be “about an hour”, brashly accessing the wifi network of Staples, I’m drawn to the parallels that exist between between a well run company and a set of four new tires. First, of course, is the security insured by the strength of a stable foundation. Dave and I, together, represent the bold, strong, black vulcanized rubber of viz-bang!.
Bold, because we had the preparedness to succeed in a time of economic unrest — just like a set of winter tires put on in late October, or maybe early November.
Strong, because we can both bench about 150 pounds, which together is 300 pounds, which is a lot.
Black, because we want want our company to run in the black, not in the red, which would mean we’re losing money.
Vulcanized, because, like Spock, we hold our emotions in check and look like evil versions of ourselves when we grow goatees.
And rubber, because much like the children’s rhyme with which we all grew up, insults bounce off of us and reflect more on the teller of the insult than the victim. Like the guy who I cut off on the way to Town Fair Tire, and he was all like, “Hey, man. You’re a jerk.” when, in fact, HE was the jerk because, even though I didn’t have my blinker on, it was wicked obvious that I was going to turn.
After I get my tires, which should be in about 45 minutes or so, I’m gonna go grab some breakfast and explain to you how viz-bang! is also like bacon.